March 9, 2009

  • The Voices!

    Got up today while it was still dark. Time change and all makes everything a little strange at first.
    I called my GYN today. I have an appointment for next Thursday to see what is STILL wrong. If you remember I have not had a regular cycle since August. I got really upset and panicky when I wouldn't stop bleeding for almost a month straight. After a few tests I was told it was just stress. (I have been through WORSE stress and this is not stress in my opinion) I was told to try a monthly dose of birth control pills to reset my body's schedule. It sort of did... but after that month or two things returned to Odd. Now- I bleed whenever my body wants too. Mostly- I get it twice a month. I have been marking my calendar and keeping records of this so I can share the precise dates with my doctor and stress that this is more than just stress. I am not stressed. I have normal stress but I feel fantastic. I am active and I eat really well. I take nothing when it comes to medicine and at the very worse- I was dehydrated. Now I drink water everyday and my body and skin are getting much better. So I say- STRESS? Nonsense. This is more. I said it back in September and I shall say it again- this must be a Cyst. All signs point to this. I am going to insit on an ultrasound to be sure as that seems to be the most normal plan of action to be taken when things like this are occurring. It will rule out a bunch of things too. My doctor actually mentioned maybe doing one in time... AND SO... NOW... (*after bleeding more than the average person should!) is the TIME!

    You know...
    I hate being told that something is in my control like Stress and that it is just me. I understand that is true in some cases- like when I lost my job many years ago and was in a financial toilet- and got a mild case of shingles- but not this time. It gets me SO mad to be told it is in my head- when obviously it is in my...

    Anyhoo- if you think something is really wrong and people are telling you that it is nothing- or that it is you making it happen- and yet you know DEEP INSIDE that it is NOT so and that your feelings are screaming- WRONG!!! Maybe- JUST MAYBE- go have a second opinion and stick too it...

    I know- this happens ALL THE TIME with people. AND now with me. Uuugh.

    Okay... More later. I have a hot cup of brown waiting for me and a studio in need of attention!
    xox

March 6, 2009

  • Friday March 6th 2009

     
    Up again at 7am.
    Getting up with the boy earlier now since he is going in earlier.

    My body is not adjusting as well since I brought back some kind of upper respiratory sick thing. Sore throat, nasty thick mucus stuck in my nose and throat. Nothing too serious. It just has slowed me down. I am also achy too.

    Can't tell what is sick and what is jet-lag and all the talking I did last week while teaching.

    Utah was great.

    I traveled by myself for the first time ever.

    Usually I have Thomas with me taking care of everything and I just sit back and enjoy. No need to worry about which gate to get too or getting a rental car etc- Nope- I just take photos, read a magazine, or drink a lovely cup of coffee and people watch. He is so very good at this who traveling thing and I rather love it like that... but now I have no choice but to have to take it over and start making all of those decisions. It isn't really hard either. In my mind it was- but the reality of all of it is- not so bad.

    Today is his birthday. He can make it very hard at times to find gifts. After 14 years I still struggle. He likes technical things. Things which I can not easily buy. I did get him a heavy plastic chopper. (*think of a paper cutter for plastic sheets). That was easy... But other than that- and a boring work shirt from Old Navy- I have nothing.

    Dad is coming over today at noon to have lunch. I think I might run down to Hampden after lunch and see what I can find for him at Atomic Books/Atomic Pop. Later tonight we are going to be back down there having dinner at Golden West. After that- a book store and coffee of something like that. Ahhh Something routine! I missed Routine!

    I want to get a fresh new MoleSkine! The one I carry with me and use all the time is almost full (first time ever filling one!) and I really want to start one which is more of an art book- filled with illustrations and not with calendars and notes. I will look for one tonight if we manage to get to Borders. If not tonight- maybe tomorrow if we get to Plaza Art.

    Speaking of tomorrow, the temperature is rising! Finally- considering we had a mini-blizzard on Monday night (*When I was driving home from Philly no less! Uugh!) and now it is heading into the 70º's! Ahhh I do not care if it is a tease- I will take it. I love mild air. I love the changing of the seasons. I hate COLD and I hate HOT but I love seasons and  Maryland weather. I especially Love Spring and the optimism which it brings. I get SO MOTIVATED. Not to mention the thrill I have with the clocks changing and a lot more Light in the Evenings!~ (*This Sunday to be exact!)

    Ahh Motivation. I am filled with new ideas lately and I begin work on my second book (FINALLY) this weekend! Sunday to be exact. Who knows what the future holds for this... but I really need to try. Right???

    So there... an update of sorts.
    I need to go back and work through some emails and catch up with all of my correspondence.
    Good thing-as I have a huge pot of coffee to help me.

    I feel bad not using Xanga as much- so I think I will just try and post small things at least- more often.
    xox

February 25, 2009

  • AHH-UTAHHH

    What a morning…
    I feel as if I had just settled in to sleep when the alarm went off. I slept for maybe 2 hours before I was awake and finding my way downstairs to the kitchen. My mind was skimming over an imaginary checklist. Don’t forget to pack your shoes, remember to grab your jewelry. I know I had some photocopies of vintage text for the class up in the office that I can’t forget.
    I think I managed to get most of it.

    I made a cup of instant coffee, as there was no time to brew a fresh pot. It was okay as far as coffee goes. I went into the spare bedroom and turned on the hot curlers and gathered together my clothes I had set out, Out of my tee shirt and pajama pants and into a dress and snow boots. I rushed around a bit getting the rest of my things put away. Open and shut and then open again, I checked the luggage for space. It was tight. The boy woke up and got dressed and assisted me in weighing in. I was 10 pounds over in my checked piece. So I opened it up and jettisoned several hammers, some paint and extra tools. I took out my work jeans and replaced them into my carry on along with some other clothes. I came in a few pounds under 50. It was reaching 4:30am and we needed to go. Into the cold dark morning air we went. Stopping to get gas, we then went onto Philly. I watched the clock and the highway signs. “Philly-74 miles.” We seemed to be doing okay on time. Then, as we approached the airport my bladder gave out and I had to go to the bathroom. There was no time to stop anywhere and there was no way I was going on the side of the road. Goodness I hate to admit this, but there was a big sturdy cup on the floor of the car and it seemed like my hold grail. I said to the boy, “I can’t wait, I gotta go now. I am going to shoot for this cup and hope for the best”. Even though he smiled I could tell he was not thrilled at the possibility of missing my target! I assured him that I was going to treat this as an Olympic sport and do it like my career depended on it.

    I held the cup, balanced myself perfectly and the heavens gave way. Thanks to that damn cup of coffee and a case of nerves, I managed to fill the entire cup. May I just say that I did not make a mess!  We headed into the airport terminal however we miss the turn for parking and had to go around again.  This might have been the error of my morning, as when we parked and walked up to the check in, we were informed that my plane was boarding and that I could not check my luggage. This meant either I hop the next flight out missing my shuttle and paying a lot of money in fees or I just go without it. I looked at the boy who looked very upset. He didn’t realized that he had cut it too close and with the error in parking- I had missed checking in by only 10 minutes.

    I pulled my things to the side and he said- your going. I thought- how can I managed this when my supplies are in that bag along with my toiletries, He said the he was just going to over night it to the cabin, using Fed Ex. I had my doubts. I though it would be very difficult to arrange all of this, but he seemed sure it could be done.

    We reached the gate for my security check. All this time I had been thinking about my long goodbye and how I was going to sit and get situated when I got past the security check point. Heck even gets a little bite to eat or some more coffee to refill my tiny bladder, but the line was slow and my flight was already boarding. I kissed him quickly and he seemed consumed with frustration. He could only apologize and barely look my in the eye. I turned to go and wandered my way though the line. Slowly. TOO slowly. A woman with a baby carriage was holding things up and I found myself tapping my foot. I checked my watch and realized that it was 6:30 and my plane was set to leave at 6:55am. I finally got all my things through the screening, put back on my boots, and rushed to my gate.

    When I got to Gate A6 no one was there. My heart sank. I went up to the first available counter and asked about my flight. The woman responded that my gate had changed to A13. In a most annoyed voice I may add. Lucky for me that A13 was right behind me and I went up to the counter. As I approached I head my name being called on the overhead. I WAS EBBARRASED! I was THAT late person. I am never late for a flight. Never. Not once, and here I am on my very first flight alone to Utah, I am late. At least the girl checking me in was nice. She said, “Good morning, how are you today?” and I said, “I have had better mornings” and smiled a most pathetic sad smile. She assured me I was fine and that I could go on ahead.

    As I reached the plane I was happy to see others waiting to merge onto the plane. It was as if I snuck in line and was just the last person, instead of being the douche who was making everything run late.
    I finally reached my seat and the lovely steward helped my get my heavy bag up into the overhead compartment. I sank into my seat next to the window. I was sharing a row with one other man who was very quiet. We had a seat between us and shared it easily like we had known each other for many years. I called the boy to tell him I had made it to my seat and that all was fine. He seemed relieved. I can understand that considering the morning we had.

    I finally am sitting here in my seat, calming down and taking a deep breath. Thinking about the next few days. Knowing that there is not need in worrying about too much as these things will just have to work out in their own way. I do hope the Fed Ex truck can make it to the cabin tomorrow. I have some things in that luggage which was important to my class and would hate to think of the sound and dance I would have to do if it doesn’t show up… But at this point, what good will worrying do?

    SO I am here now- I am beyond tired and I am not sure what this will read like- as I am too blurry eyed to proof-read it. SO please give me some freedom with my spelling and sentence structure... haaa...

    More later...
    xoxo
    (*and photos of course...)

February 15, 2009

  • WHY do I ignore the obvious?


    Thanks to Lisa and her perfect suggestions- I went with her today and had my hair CUT and COLORED!
    You know- I very thing I was against and said I would never let others do to my hair.

    Well- this place was really good... it was a Teaching salon! A place where students work on the public's hair to get experience. Well the thing I liked about this experience was that my stylist Leanna was patient, detail orientated, very nice and all of like 19 years old. Each time she finished a process- she had to have an experienced salon manager check it and then allow her to move on. This meant that I was truly cared for by several people today! I had a foil treatment done- for my highlights. I then had my hair washed and cut. I asked for her to take off just a little as I wanted to keep my hair growing long. She followed everything perfectly.

    When it came to combing it out and blow drying it got terrible- as my HAIR was SO SO DRY~! Her manager had to give my hair emergency lotion and spray just to manage to get it to behave... so sad. She said my hair was desperately dry and than I really needed to drink more water. I had to agree. I am terrible when it comes to drinking water. As I don't! Coffee yes- Water- not so much.

    When I was finished I went to find Lisa. She was having her eyebrows done. I was lucky enough to have a chance to talk to the skin-care lady about the skin care services they offer. She had me come over to sit so she could assess my skin. NOT a surprise that my skin (WHICH is terrible) is suffering from extreme dryness resulting in break outs. Twice I got the message that I am Dehydrated and my whole system is screwed up...

    Well... I am now going to try and work on drinking my 8oz of water 8 times a day according to the formula I was given today. I understand that in as little as 2 weeks I could see a difference. It certainly can not hurt. If it means getting may face to stop breaking out due to dry clogged pours I will be trilled.

    I have an appointment for my first facial on Tuesday at 1pm to help clean my skin and help exfoliate the dry skin cells. From there I will see if I need more treatments to help. I decided that this sort of service is very well worth my time and money... I hate having to deal with such problems... Especially problems which I might be causing- by NOT drinking enough water... Ugh!

    It was a truly lovely day at the salon with Ms. Lisa!

February 12, 2009

February 10, 2009

January 29, 2009

  • Finished the painting-mostly...


    A few things coming up:
    Make a nice box for the radiator
    Scrape and clean the floors
    Buy deck paint for the stairs and the bay window
    Wax the floors
    Bring down all the white bookcases and set up
    Put up all the art on the walls
    Buy new curtains
    Put back on the switch plates
    Move in the rest of the stuff

    Not bad... I must say- I never thought of myself as a Cheerful YELLOW sort of person- but I rather like the Optimistic Change!
    More later- I am going to collapse!
    xox

January 25, 2009

January 21, 2009

  • Painting sunshine


    Well- I am taking a quick break to catch up on things. It is 10:30am and I have been up since 6:30am. and working since 8am- changing the color of my living space.
    One cup of coffee blends into another today.
    Funny how morning light can be. I came downstairs and as the sun was rising I noticed that the color of the walls which I had painted yesterday- and hated by last night- was ok this morning... if only I had morning light all the time- alas I do not and so these walls need fixing.

    So I am giving them a second coat of paint and then I am going to go BACK over them using a dry-brush technique so that is softens it.
    Some serious "must do's" when painting walls that I have learned:

    • Use GOOD paint. DO not skimp on price and be sure to get the thickest kind you can get. That way you are not struggling with thin paint and multiple layers.
    • Use a NATURAL Bristle brush! DO NOT USE SYNTHETIC! It leaves streaks! BAD BAD BAD!
    • Count on a extra day to get things done and take your time.
    • Tape out everything ahead of time- preferably the day before so your arms are not so tired...

    Anyhoo- that is all for now- my beak is over and I need to get back to the second coat!
    Looking forward to a SHOWER and fresh clothes soon- Uuugh!