"I love dusks and dawns the way I love springs and falls,
times of transition and drama, never black or white,
never simple, like the sledgehammer feel of

stepping out into a 95 degree day when the humidity begs the sky
for a thunderstorm and the locusts add their Greek chorus of chants and buzzing.

Or the beauty of getting up in the middle of the night and seeing a full moon
own the surrounding blackness of the sky, but with no compromise with sunlight."

I needed to clean that studio-WOW it really got out of hand.

I stopped working out there before the Holiday-and when I did go out, it was just to drop off stuff.
Well stuff piles up and things get out of control.

So I spent yesterday arranging, straightening, cleaning and best of all, throwing things away.
It is far from finished.

I need to buy 3 more small rugs to put down again. I also have a lot of things on the floor to go through too.
But I did get a jump start for sure.

I will return to this over the weekend.
Until then-I am itching to get to work on some new things.
Huzzah!

T-shirt $5 from 5Below. Its a kids large & fits! Which is almost as good as the image!
Speaking of RAWR-These @#$%^&*Tumors better get gone soon. I'm in a world of hurt!
January 19th Can't come SOON ENOUGH!
More in a bit...
xox

So this is what I look like in star terms I suppose.
I am not sure what it all means-if you can figure this spaghetti out let me know.
xox

Well I tell you, I was all ready to decorate the house for the Holidays in October! Always itching to bring some sparkle & glitter to these buttery walls. The time between August and December can get pretty plain here since I tend to be pretty distracted with teaching and traveling. I do not have much of a style to this house other than just putting out things that I enjoy seeing and well, that adds up to a cluttered odd mix. However it is fine as I do not expect to be showing up in any magazines for house beautiful anytime soon. Perhaps Cluttered Classic? Ha!

Anyhoo- I did manage to get the tree up last week right after Exams were over! A TREAT FOR ME! This year, I am taking Ol' Martha's tree and decorating it with a "Cold winters day" theme. That means, snowflakes, silver, and frost. This little 4foot tree came with white lights but I love those twinkling lights so much that I added 2 more strings! Then it was a trip off to Michael's Crafts to buy anything and everything silvery glitter. It was not a problem as they had an entire isle of GLITTER! (Last year I went with glittery jewel tones and colored lights but this year is more moody)

So Up went the little tree. I put it up on top of a table and then on top of a perfect vintage shoeshine box! I added vintage lace and set it in front of the window and ta-da! A tree which is much larger than it really is! (*Also high enough to keep the cats uninterested!)

I usually keep the tree up until January because I love the festive feeling. This year I am sure I will do the same.
 

What a night and day...

So last night, Virgil and Duck were playing on an upright mattress. Walking around the top, laying all over it, hanging off. All of this while I tried to switch room from my upstairs bedroom to the downstairs spare bedroom. (I wanted to get the rooms changed so that when I have the surgery I will not have to go up and down the stairs to go to the bathroom...)

Anyway, as I was making the bed, I heard a loud thump and sure enough the mattress went over. It turns out DUCK smacked Virgil which made him fall with the mattress.

Jackasses.

Later as I was getting ready to go back upstairs, I saw Virgil and noticed him limping. I went to pick him up and realized this was a little more than just a little limp.

UGH

He stayed with me all through the night sleeping at the foot of the bed which is NOT like him. He did eat and even enjoyed pets and kisses but he would growl when he moved. Then as the morning progressed I decided that this was much more serious and he could not just wait to go to the vet like I had planned for first thing Monday morning. I packed him up and took him to the Pet ER.

This is where I took this photo. It took a good part of the day for me to get the results. I endured a family having to put their beloved dog down and listening to a Mom cry. I wanted to go over to her and sit with her but felt it might be weird. It made me feel SO BAD. As they left, Mom, Dad and son, I noticed the vet tech crying too. Goodness what I bad day.

I did get to see some lovely dogs, a French Bull Dog, a sweet Mutt and a White German Shepherd. All there for a variety of issues.

What a Sunday.

Finally the ER Doctor came out and explained that Virgil most likely is suffering from a server torn ligament. Could be the knee or along side. No breaks but this is still not good. It required sedation because he was not willing to be handled and he needs to be closely monitored for the next 3-5days. Of course No more Rugby for this season too...

It also required a Big crate for his to live in since he is not allowed to move around.

All for a ER Visit of $470 and of course the crate. Money...Easy Come Easy Go...

So much for the Holidays. BUT At least Virgil is lucky to have a great home.

(*You know-I might have mentioned this before but He was almost an un-adoptable cat. When I found him at the shelter, he had been returned Twice. It turns out he had a hard time with people. His eye sight is not so very good and because of this, he has anxiety. It cause him to take swipes at people because he is afraid and it also makes him piddle on the floor. I found him cowering in a cubbyhole. I had to pull him out like a limp dishrag and I knew he was coming home with me with one look at him. Handsome boy he is. He had issues for a while. Still does from time to time, but goodness, he has really become a CHANGED cat. He now loves pets and even will sit on laps like he did today... It just took time, patience, and love)

So I am wrecked.
I completely lost my weekend over this one. Didn't get to set up my Xmas tree. Still need to do a lot of work, post photos of art stuff, wash dishes, laundry, all of the stuff of daily life.

But at least I am past the hard part for now.

Time for the late night local news, a hot bath, and bed.

Tomorrow is another day.

xox

P.S. I went to make cornbread for the chili I rushed together when I got home from the Vet tonight. As I cracked an egg I was overwhelmed with the sight of a DOUBLE Egg Yolk! So tell me...what do you think??? Is this good luck or bad luck??? Just wondering. xox

  
These papers say-Cancer Free! Huzzah!
(Today, while changing back into my street clothes having had a second mammogram and sonogram for a mass... Happy to get a clean bill of health!)
xox

P.S That white blob was the area of concern.

Ha! Came across this artist as I was looking up Tumor related art!
Okay-seriously my tumors are bite-y tonight! Well-they have been bite-y for days and weeks...but tonight they are being bullies!

This is also day number 13 of non-stop bleeding. Yes-I am on the pill to make this stop, but I do not think it has anything to do with this. It seems that whole area has a mind of its own. The more I think about it the more grateful I am to have an appointment for surgery-because I can NOT imagine waiting 10years for this to just go away.

Anyhoo-that is what is happening inside of me

 
So I went to see the specialist about my ever growing problem.
Goodness my doctor was young! Younger than me I think.
Which sort of blows my mind. I think I am now officially getting old.

Anyway, she drew me a photo of what is going on inside which appealed to my artistic side for sure.

It seems I have 3 very nasty tumors growing down-below (And she suspects more lesser ones which are just not a problem yet). Sadly they are in need of attention and I can't ignore them as I wish I could. I mean, I really hate having to deal with this, but I have no choice now. I have one tumor located up above my uterus which is pressing on my intestines. Another is located in front and is pressing on my bladder. And one of them is located in my uterus, growing inside and is a large one. Large enough that it is going to be a little difficult to be able to cut out completely since it is a delicate operation (myomectomy). Some of it will have to remain. And it seems it will grow back causing me to have to return again some time later to repeat the process.

It is this or... have a partial Hysterectomy. This means no children with the removal of the uterus/cervix (leaving the ovaries in place to preform)

NOPE... Even though I am not having children at this state of the game-I simple just can't justify the removal of my "parts" for these monsters. I mean, I know I am 40 and having a child would be...a HUGE surprise for one, and almost impossible unless my life completely changed drastically...

But what if everything did change?

If there is one thing I do know about life, that is- anything can happen. Especially really crazy fucked up things...

So I never say never.

Besides-I like my parts. I just hate the new angry parts growing inside. They are making everything awkward, painful, horrible...

But I still don't want to be hacked up for the convenience of things. Look-I can live with a lot of crap, and I can ignore a lot of stuff easily. However, I can't just toss away my uterus like it is just a disposable part. I kinda like it.

HECK I love everything right now. I have a huge lovely sex drive, I feel otherwise great, I am having the best time of my life... Except for this.

So what is next? Well-after to meeting today, I had blood work drawn to check for things, and next up will be an MRI to see what is going on in more detail. Tentatively I have surgery scheduled for January. I am going to look into all of my options (My doctor really was very clear, organized, gave me a list of options, and told me to take my time and decide. She was everything you want in a surgeon/doctor and I got a good feeling about her).

Yes...this is what is on my mind and why I have been distracted.
Tomorrow-I start the PILL again to stop my periods. Hoping this will help a little...although it could mean this is food for my tumors and could make them grow faster.

Whatever the outcome.
It just sort of sucks.

Not much more I can say except it could be worse. So I will shut up and just deal with it.
xox