I worked HARD to get to this point of putting on a cat suit and wearing it in public. DO you know what it took? How WORTH IT it was? The pay off was delicious! I felt amazing.
But it doesn't mean I am done. I gotta keep at it. Just gotta work out 3 times a week (more more) to maintain. Not hard. I like the hour on the machine. It gives me a huge infusion of mental strength and I'm able to really think about things. Yes, it clears my head-so to speak.

Anyway- I watched what I ate, How much I ate and I refused a lot. I weighted myself. I kept track of everything. I hated everything at times. I felt horrible. I reached that LOW point that leads you to making a huge change. I joined a gym which I thought I'd never do. I still HATE IT...but only a little now. I got blisters and new shoes as a result. I took photos to help me chart my progress. I focused and I gave it my all...

So Eff you calories and fat. I am now, 126lbs and maintaining.
All it took was determination and work.
IF I could do it-anyone can.
You just have to want it bad enough.

Results?

Meow!

I finished this drawing in record time. It is now at the gallery.
I am hoping that the people I work with realize that I am more of an artist than they knew.
They know the other sculptural art I make-Hope they are surprised.

I am still 126lbs.
Working out 3 times a week. This weight loss thing has now become a lifestyle of sorts. Not just a: take off the weight for summer thing.

I am happy about that. However I dread going into winter. I need to keep this pace. It is not hard. 3 days a week at the gym is easy. But the damn cold and possible bad weather. Ugh!

The gym keeps me focused and makes me not as hungry. I am still only eating one meal a day with coffee in the morning or a simple snack like dried fruit during the day.

I can go out to dinner and not think twice about the burger because I know I will burn it off the next day or so.

So as a treat and since it is the season for dressing up, I bought myself to a catsuit-that is really my super hero/villain costume. I was worried to put it on out of fear of looking like a stuffed sausage but HOT DAMN it fits. Ha!

(And really I did earn it with my fucked up self-imposed suffering...)
So now I gotta find a reason to wear it out in public. That is the next battle.
xox

I finally reached 126.8lbs
Manged to burn 612 calories the other day in one session. Went over 5.5 miles and now...I have grown fond of this time of the day.

It has replaced the starving (somewhat) Although I still am having a hard time eating more than one meal a day...

Anyway...that's all.

At 9am this morning I went to the gym to have my orientation for the machines.
What I didn't comprehend was that I was actually being trained-like by a trainer and not just being introduced to the machines. In fact I didn't get to work on the machines except one.

I was asked a few questions first:
What did I want to work on? (*My middle and toning)
Did I have any preexisting issues like aches and pains? (*Nothing more than pulling a muscle yesterday from the cardio- and I told him I was getting over a nasty sinus thing)

Then he took me to the back and had me do crunches, and push-ups and lunges as well as working with weights. First 12 reps and then onto 20.

Next was working on a machined doing different core exercises
Then more push ups
And finally more leg lifts...and repeat. 20! UGH!

I was dying.

Like seriously-sweat was pouring off of me. I was shaking and I realized that I actually had to stop.

I told him I needed a quick break-so I sat and talked a bit-but something was wrong.I was feeling awful and couldn't concentrate. After about 5minutes of sitting, I said I just needed to go to the bathroom-I could barely walk. I went in, crawled into the stall, and put my head down. I couldn't cool down, I thought I was going to pass out, I never felt so awful. It was too much for not working out before. I must have been in there about 5-10minutes. I got up, went to get some water and then found my trainer and sat and talked.

Of course me says he wants me to work out with him like that-only an hour long instead of 1/2hr like today. I reminded him that I need to work up to it.

I would love to work out like that. BUT I AM TERRIFIED TO GO BACK to HIM! Or anyone! Not until I am can get used to such a pace.

And so-I came home after sitting in my Jeep for about 10 more minutes. I could only get to the bathroom and take off my wet clothes. (Jumped on the scale only to find that I did in fact lose more weight! 128.4!) And then went upstairs and fell into bed. I hurt all over and was still feeling sick. I only slept for an hour-just enough. I got up, and ate some soup and then went to work in the studio.

I suspect I will be feeling this tomorrow! Yowie.
At least I did it.
More tomorrow.(Just not as much as today)

I am sick and yet I went to the gym.
I went for the first time today because I knew I would feel worse for not going.
It was hard to get up and go. I don't know why I thought it would be easy.

I managed to over do it like I knew I would.
Almost 4 miles, uphill at a quick pace. FOR AN HOUR & 1/2!
Yep-Yay...ugh!

My right leg started to give out. Tonight it aches but who cares. I did it.

Tomorrow I have my orientation with the big machines.
So at least I started.
Now I can eat 2 meals a day instead of one.

Ugh-yes. I went in and said-let's do this...
I have to admit that it feel weird-like my body sighed in relief. I mean-eating once a day is NOT easy. And then flushing everything away with MofM is rough. I am not sure I can sustain it very long without hurting myself. Well at least I can now just go and work out and hope it helps. At this point the weight has come off (not all of it of course) and now I have left over skin that is lumpy as I mentioned before. Toning is really important.

Now eating something with a few more carbs will not make me stressed out.
Bring the hotdogs! (Kidding)

But I am getting there.
Tomorrow I will go up the street and join the gym.
*Sigh*

I know-I never thought it would come to me joining a fitness center but I am just not getting the results I want.

There is a new place a few blocks up the street that opened. It is advertised as "affordable"-I like that. I NEED to do something more than this not eating.

I have been not eating normal for weeks. One meal a day. I can easily tell you what I ate. For instance-Between Sunday & Monday- On Sunday, I ordered roasted vegetables and meatballs. They were side dishes. I ate half and took the rest home. I ate the rest yesterday. That is all. Hardly much. It isn't all that hard to do this now. I am just able to ignore the hunger. However I now find it a little hard to not liquify my meals after eating with milk of magnesia.

The weight is slowly coming off but it is really not the answer. I am losing weight but the skin that is left-is flabby and hangs. It sucks. I need to tone myself up.

When I say I am determined...well I mean that I am focused...but I am keeping one foot in logic land-and realizing that starving is not completely helping.

So I am going to go look into this fitness center. Half the battle for me is location. It is close so I have little excuse.

We shall see...