July 31, 2012

  • Closer...

    This is the closest I have been to feeling good about my body. It helps that I got on the scale and found that I lost weight. I'm not even doing that wacky Atkins Induction at the moment...

    Perhaps it has everything to do with how I'm just not eating. Yes-eating is for jerks. Well...maybe it just isn't for me right now.

    I guess I am just at a point where I am within reaching my goal-or at least BELIEVING I am going to reach that goal and I just want it bad enough that I am no longer hungry. Or I am really e'ffed up and have a full on eating disorder. Whatever the case I am fine with it.

    I've been eating once a day now. Had a small bowl of spaghetti yesterday-that was all. Today? Who know's-it is almost 6pm and I have not eaten. I had coffee though. Lots of coffee. Perhaps I will make a small burger and wrap it in lettuce-later tonight? I don't care if I ever eat again. Eating just is not as enjoyable these days. I mean-I love certain things-like sushi and steak salads or fish tacos-yum! But the daily things-the other meals of the day-are just too much effort. If I was single I would never feed myself-I fear-as all of it is way more than I am willing to do. I would probable just eat a piece of cheese if I was hungry and call it a good day. (Truth) If it wasn't for having to feed him I would never make meals.

    *sigh*

    He has invited another model over to measure for her photo shoot. I like his models in all of their odd glorified youth. They are not your average girls for sure. Most look unusual with colorful hair or piercings. All of them are thin. All of them are young. Makes being 42 hard. Yet he still seems to be interested in me being his wife. Says he loves me and I know he does. Not sure why he doesn't see me as sexy. I certainly try. Oh well...can't win everything. I will keep fighting against getting old and will never give up myself. I refuse to "let myself go". It is not my nature.

    Last August I discovered I had lost weight-weighing in at 128lbs. I wonder if August is just my month? I am close to that now. I suspect that I could be there by the weekend. Especially if I start walking or jumping rope soon.

    Anyway-I better get some napping in before the girl gets here. Just a half hour and I'm back up and moving.

    More later-xox