July 26, 2012

  • MERCURY STOP IT!


    I am not sure I believe in planetary things-but they say that Mercury has been in retrograde this week.

    http://www.ismercuryinretrograde.com/

    Read a rather enjoyable article by Gala here: http://galadarling.com/article/how-to-survive-mercury-retrograde

    I like to think that life could be simply impacted by something "Happening" to me like Mercury being a terrible child throwing a fit-but I tend to side with medicine and assume it must be a hiccup in my chemistry.

    Whatever the case-I have been doing what I can to make it through. I didn't cry yet this morning really (Only a few tears when I read a lovely letter on another site from a friend-wishing me well. It was nice to hear from him.) I managed to go out yesterday with a local lady to have lunch and talk about her new business opening. If it had not already been scheduled last week I am sure I would never have gone out. She is opening a gift shop & she wants me to be featured there. I had a delicious crab cake for lunch, talked about things, took a tour of my very own neighborhood (3miles up the street) noticed shops and stores that I had never noticed. It was a very good distraction.

    I talked to Thomas too. As I always do-well mostly. It was a good conversation. He did suggest that I might go talk to a therapist. I am not sure if that will help or if I am ready to open up about my life. I still believe I can wait this out and repair the little broken bits along the way.

    I look at my life and I can see the patterns. When I was 5yrs old, my mother would try to take my to Kindergarten and I would refuse to go and would hold onto her. One day she tricked me into going and I stood there crying in the doorway of the class. They tried to get the little girl who lived up the street from me to help me, by sitting next to me. (Shit this is going to make me cry) Needless to say I have problems with people leaving. I am sensitive I guess? I never have lived on my own. People have ALWAYS taken care of me. THIS is not good to do to a child because they grow up and turn into me and now look at me... Having issues of being alone. Weird too because I do tend to think  of myself as strong and fearless. I guess that is not true. The moment I think of being left alone with no one to love or talk too I fall apart. Nice huh? So if you are in my life, and you die or just move on, I will fall apart. Ugh...

    Sorry I am not the most awesome person you thought I was... I just seem to get by.

    And so I will work to get through today. Storms are coming. Cats are sleeping. It is early still. I have a lot of typing work to finish. I have to go and drop off my contract too. Later a girl is coming over to work with Thomas on his Photo project so I need to make sure the house is clean and straightened as well as the studio. And finally, I will need to start another year of my 365-photo a day project. Another daily distraction.

    Yes, I have things to keep me busy today. Still can't think of making art. That perhaps is the worst part-I never felt so broken that I could Not turn to art to save me. *sigh* 

    At least today is better so far-than the last few days.

    *Did I just jinx myself? Are you listening Mercury? Leave me alone!