June 5, 2009

• Must focus

  And so I have returned from Los Angeles...
  I had a great time I must say. It made me rethink a lot of things about me and my art and what I want to accomplish in the future.
  
  When I got back, I had to go to that Doctor's appointment for the biopsy. It was a little painful of course. Nothing too terrible. I thought I would bleed a lot more but mostly nothing. I thought to myself- OH NOW I DON'T BLEED? Haaa... I will get the results next week. Doctor upped my dose of Birth Control pills because he still suspect that it is just my cycle misbehaving. He says he just can't seem to see anything...wrong. I reserve to make any assumptions or even say anything more than this until I have results. At this point... I just don't really know anymore and I am really tired of even thinking about it...
  
  After all of this- I had a big deadline to attack- which I did and now- Thursday evening- I am done with things which are pressing on my mind.
  
  I look forward to going to the gym tomorrow. I took several photos tonight and saw what 2 careless weeks of crazy food choices can do to a body. It made me have one of those sessions of thinking- HOLY CRAP WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF! I had gotten on the scale at the doctor's office and it said I weighted 135lbs! To me that is like saying 300lbs. Any little increase on that machine makes me crazy mad. Today, having tried to adjust my eating in the past two days- noticed that the scale said- 132lbs. 
  
  WHAT is it going to take to get into the 120's??? If it means going to the gym each day? Then I shall do it. Does it mean adjusting my food? How so? What do I need to do that I am not doing? No more hot dogs for a long time- is a given! hahaha! No fastfood? Easy for me- as I rarely have that. I guess I just need to stick to steaming veggies and avoiding crap. I also think I can really be stricter with my proportions... But damn- I feel like I eat so lightly as it is?
  Ahhh everything in moderation I know.
  
  And so that leaves me with the weekend.
  RAIN again tomorrow. WOW- is our weather totally screwed up or what! SO cold and so much rain... It really effects my mood and motivation. Makes me want to sleep and sit on the couch so much. I have not been going out to the studio at night... uuugh.
  
  So this weekend I think I shall work a little on some new art. I also want to work around the house a bit and of course- get outside- as there is promise of the sun... we shall see.
  
  And so- that is all for now.
  More again in a few...
  Going to bed.
  G'Night.
  xox

  • 12:10 am
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